2 Compliments That Are Conditions In Disguise — By A Psychologist

Forbes - May 16th, 2025
Open on Forbes

The story explores how not all compliments are as genuine as they appear. While some affirm our true selves, others subtly manipulate, carrying hidden expectations that can lead to self-editing and performance in relationships. These seemingly positive affirmations often reinforce traits that are convenient for others, rather than celebrating one's authenticity. The article highlights examples where compliments on calmness or empathy may actually serve to condition individuals into maintaining behaviors that prioritize others' comfort over personal truth.

The implications of such conditional praise are significant, especially for women and girls who are socialized to self-silence and adapt to others' needs. This dynamic can create emotional enmeshment, where one's value is tied to being consistently agreeable and available. The story urges readers to question the nature of compliments they receive, encouraging a shift from self-abandonment to genuine self-expression. By recognizing these dynamics, individuals can strive for relationships that respect and nurture their full emotional range, rather than those that impose restrictive roles.

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RATING

6.8
Fair Story
Consider it well-founded

The article effectively explores the nuanced topic of conditional compliments and their impact on emotional expression and relationships. It is well-written and accessible, providing readers with practical advice and questions for self-reflection. While the content is generally accurate and supported by psychological concepts, the lack of direct citations and detailed references to the studies mentioned limits the overall transparency and source quality. The article addresses issues of public interest and has the potential to influence personal decision-making and self-awareness. However, its impact could be enhanced by incorporating more recent research and expert perspectives to provide a comprehensive view of the topic. Overall, the article offers valuable insights into the dynamics of praise and emotional expression, encouraging readers to critically evaluate their relationships and self-perception.

RATING DETAILS

8
Accuracy

The story's main claims about the potentially conditional nature of certain compliments and their impact on emotional expression are well-supported by existing psychological research. The article correctly identifies that some compliments can have unintended effects, such as encouraging compliance or emotional suppression, which aligns with broader psychological literature. However, while the article references specific studies, such as Cheryl van Daalen-Smith's research on emotional socialization and a study on 'emotionships,' these studies are not directly cited or detailed in the text, which may require readers to seek out these sources for full verification. The claims are generally truthful and precise, but for full accuracy, direct citations and more detailed context from the studies mentioned would enhance verifiability.

7
Balance

The article provides a focused analysis on the negative implications of certain compliments, particularly in the context of emotional expression and dependency. While it effectively highlights the potential harm of these dynamics, it does not extensively explore alternative perspectives, such as situations where such compliments might genuinely reflect positive traits or contribute to healthy relationships. The emphasis is predominantly on the potential negative outcomes, which could lead to an imbalanced view if not considered alongside other possible interpretations or contexts where these compliments may be beneficial.

8
Clarity

The language and structure of the article are clear and engaging, making complex psychological concepts accessible to a general audience. The narrative is logically organized, with a clear progression from the introduction of the topic to the exploration of specific examples and practical advice. The tone is neutral and informative, effectively conveying the potential implications of conditional compliments without sensationalism. However, the article could benefit from clearer citations and references to enhance the clarity of the sources and evidence supporting its claims.

6
Source quality

The article references research studies and psychological concepts to support its claims, which suggests a foundation in credible sources. However, it lacks direct citations to these studies, which would strengthen the authority and reliability of the content. The absence of detailed attribution to the specific studies mentioned, such as those by Cheryl van Daalen-Smith and the 2014 study on emotionships, limits the ability to fully assess the source quality. Including explicit references and possibly quoting experts in the field would enhance the credibility and reliability of the information presented.

5
Transparency

The article provides a clear narrative and rationale for its claims but lacks transparency in terms of directly citing the studies and sources that underpin its arguments. While it mentions research and psychological theories, the lack of detailed citations and methodology explanations for the studies referenced reduces transparency. Readers are left without clear guidance on where to find the original research for further investigation, which impacts the overall transparency of the article's claims.

Sources

  1. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/one-among-many/202012/the-trouble-praise
  2. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0361684318758596
  3. https://bpspsychub.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/am-pdf/10.1111/bjso.12469
  4. https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychology/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2017.02185/full
  5. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9816140/